Only, it turns out, you might think of me even less than I realized. I would hold them just for a bit, I thought, so that you would understand the full extent of my wrath. Something you… can’t leave home safely without. Not only did I hug your thighs in a way that looked unappealing anywhere but in the department store’s dressing room mirror, I also took something from you. Then, sure enough, on a warm morning in May, when all of the more comfortable options were in the hamper, you called upon my services, and vengeance was mine. The day would come when I could get back at you! It just had to! I spent months there, plotting my revenge. Only–and this is really what hardened my heart forever–you regretted your purchase immediately, wearing me just once before stashing me at the bottom of a bureau drawer. You arrived and bought me on a whim! Here it was, my chance at a new life! I was jaded and bitter already, of course, but then, out of nowhere, there seemed to be hope. Then, there was the move to the clearance rack, months spent among all manner of vile rejects. First off, there were the weeks spent folded on the display table, watching as my more stylish brethren were taken. For me, it is an accumulation of slights. Tis I, that pair of shorts you rarely wear.Įvery supervillain has an origin story, some moment from their past that explains their nefarious behavior.
